On Loss

Earlier this week, Canadian politician, Jack Layton died of cancer. Jack, as he is affectionately referred to, made so many contributions to my city as he initially was a city councillor here; he went on to become the leader of the official opposition. As a social worker I have seen and supported many of the changes and causes that Jack advocated for in public policy that created change for communities.  It is a great loss for our communities and country. 

The loss of Jack has touched many deeply, including myself.  I think I feel his passing intensely as in some ways the loss of Jack reminds me of the loss of Al, my husband; the loss of someone who always had something positive to contribute and to share with those around him. As I read my words, I think of the importance of reframing.  I have been focused on loss. What is more important is how much I have gained by these amazing people who have touched my life.  It is a reminder of how to live life fully. It is a reminder that death does not mean the end but the beginning of a legacy that started with living. And through remembering and story-telling, the departed continues to live.

Jack had written a letter to Canadians just hours before he died.  I’d like to share the last paragraph which I believe are words to live by, and describe how I try to live.

 “My friends, love is better than anger.  Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.”

Wow, busy yet a typical day

Today my son and I had an afternoon nap together where both of us slept for almost four hours. How did we get so tired? Imagine, a little person, who is about three and the exuberance with which he lives. Last night was a late bedtime, so, inevitably the little guy gets up earlier than usual, today, 5:30 am. Fortunately with a bottle of milk and the offer to sleep in momma’s bed allowed us to sleep until 8:30 (phew). We get up, and snuggle and have fun.  I get us going and make our beds. As I get changed, he has already unmade my bed imagining he is a digger. We go downstairs to have breakfast. While preparing breakfast he pulls up a chair to stand on and starts trying to “make with me”.  All is OK until he stops listening to my instructions and starts trying to put his own ingredients (the ever handy salt, pepper and tea sitting on the counter) into the pancake batter. Somehow in redirecting to play with toys I am covered in flour and batter. I finish making breakfast, we eat and all is well.

Our plans with friends have changed. He has a mini-meltdown, even though we’re seeing them tomorrow instead.  Now to keep this little guy occupied for the next few hours – which by the way there is food and juice on the floor and table, a big pile of dishes (some from yesterday) to clean and laundry from a few days ago to fold. Little guy is asking questions non-stop and saying things which he wants me to listen to and respond to. The solution: set up the slip and slide (a long plastic mat with a sprinkler like hose on one side and a small pool at the end) and let him run around while I do housework. This comes with consequences – like a sandbox that becomes a mud puddle and the gravel underneath the patio stairs being hosed out of place... oh and a waterlogged backyard. Obviously the slip and slide became boring.  After much running around and redirecting (I did manage to get my vegetable garden watered) it was time for lunch.  This is almost a reprieve as I know nap time is coming and lunch is fairly straightforward.

In amongst these events, there is drawing, playing with glue, imaginary play, requests to talk to his uncle on-line, requests to watch a movie, playing doctor and putting band-aids on momma's boo-boos (my port) and peeing on the floor because he’s so engaged in his activities. Somehow in all this, after nap, I managed to mow the lawn (with his help, walking behind the mower with me), make a dinner (this was movie time), bathe my child, read bedtime stories and tuck him in so he was asleep before 9pm.  Tonight is more laundry, sorting out my new phone system (as my other telephones were not a holding charge for more than 15 minutes), cleaning up from the dinner, organizing for tomorrow (off to the science centre with friends and a birthday party for my mom) and doing this blog entry (which I've been wanting to do). Somewhere in this typical day I am supposed to be monitoring my side effects that are lingering from chemotherapy, I want to continue to be proactive of my health (rather than take short cuts in food) and take time for myself. Throw in some chemo-brain, or more serious side effects and this becomes a little crazy. I am thankful for the daycare that I have and the subsidy that allows me to continue to afford to have my son in daycare.  If this was every day, I don’t think I’d be doing so well with my health - or I'd just be too busy to think about it.

Enjoying Life's Bounties

I have started really enjoying all that summer offers.  This started last week with a visit to my dad’s best friend’s cottage with my folks; a place I went to every year as a child but have not been in many years.  It was wonderful.  My son got to swim, fish and paddleboat around.  I relaxed, took lots of pictures and sketched.  We ate too much food and really enjoyed ourselves and each other’s company.

  

The farmer’s markets are something else I enjoy.  This week I bought freshly baked multigrain bread and have been eating it with beefsteak tomatoes from my mom-in-law’s garden.

My fav tomato sandwich: one slice of fresh bread, lightly toasted; spread on butter; add slices of freshly picked tomato; salt and pepper to taste. Enjoy the taste of summer in your mouth. This works especially well when I am mindfully eating my sandwich.

Also, my little box garden is starting to produce. I’ve had strawberries throughout the summer (only a few berries a week). Now I have some tiny tomatoes turning red.  The first ones came last week.  I can also see I need to “mound” the potatoes and the cucumbers are still flowering, hopefully they well develop.  Clearly I had a bit of a late start on planting and my plants have really struggled with the hot July and the lack of watering (because every third week I was at my parents and my garden became neglected). Nonetheless, I’m excited to have some of our own produce.