4/21/2012

What would you do?

Perspective is such a strange thing.  Yesterday I was at the chemotherapy unit (and I am very happy to say I have one more treatment left). It was unusually quiet and I settled into my book with a few other patients milling around.   A few minutes into my wait, a young couple came into the wait area, the man was in a wheelchair and promptly collapsed himself onto the bench seating nearby me exclaiming how everything hurt, making an oh so familiar sound of discomfort. His partner put his head on her lap and was stroking it.  I was quickly transported back four years to when I was trying to support and be there for my husband.  It became hard to not scrutinize this young couple further, but I really didn't want to stare. 
As we sat waiting for our respective treatments, I couldn't help but feel the desire to reach out to them.  I wanted to say, "Hey, I've been there" or "If you want to talk to someone who knows that space, here's where you can reach me." But I didn't say a thing. I felt at the same time I'd be intruding; really, a moral dilemma.  They, of course, had no idea what knowledge I hold, and I did not want to impose.  I found myself starting to compose a letter:
Hi anonymous young couple,
I don't know your situation, nor do I want to intrude. What appears is something I strongly relate to.  Perhaps you, the young woman, could be me 4 years ago - my husband was diagnosed with a rare cancer which then became terminal.  If you want someone to talk to that's "been there" you're welcome to contact me...
The couple got called for treatment before I finished the letter and had a chance to discreetly slip it to the young woman. I learned something from this.  I have been thinking a lot about "what next" for my future and pondering the possiblity of doing work with families impacted by cancer/bereavement.  I figure if I had such a strong desire to reach out, that perhaps this is an area to explore despite my hesitations, despite logically wondering if I want my life experiences of the past few years to become my work life and career.