Art for Cancer Workshop

This past Monday I took part in a workshop by Art For Cancer (www.artforcancerfoundation.org).  It was definitely a great way to meet other cancer survivors/patients/warriors (as one participant described herself). One of the interesting things was most of the participants I talked to thought they were in pretty good shape and we each felt blessed. I even met others who have lost loved ones to cancer when they were younger.  It was reassuring in a way to meet them and know that one does have a life after such tragedy.

The workshop consisted of learning some basic painting techniques, a meditation and gaining a piece of art by the end. I got to work with a palette knife for the first time.  I wished there was more time or more of an ongoing class than a workshop for a few hours. Here is my piece of art from the workshop:

I’ll soon be writing more about Art for Cancer as I’ll be part of the Art for Cancer Foundation art exhibit at Toronto City Hall Rotunda from Feb 17 – 24, 2012.  Here’s a trailer to the show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiCN6avKrl8&feature=player_embedded&noredirect=1

If you are interested, the art show is in a public space, so you can come by to check it out any time if you are in the Toronto vicinity.  And, also if in the Toronto area and you would like to be present for the opening night and silent auction to support Art For Cancer and future workshops, please contact me and I will e-mail you the e-vite

Kindness

It seems kindness has highlighted my past few days.

On Friday I watched the documentary Finding Kindness. This is a movie exploring the “mean girl” phenomena.  The beginning of the movie says something along the lines of a woman can "stab" with a look, she doesn't need a knife. I think all women know exactly what this look is. The Finding Kindness movie is examining how most, if not all females have experienced some sort of bullying, emotional abuse, “in/out” behaviour  (gossip, rumours) or some sort of emotional daggers by other females at some point. Further, Finding Kindness suggests rather than trying to deconstruct the complex web that reinforces this mistreatment of each other, that we could all make change by embracing being kind.  More about this may be found at www.kindcampaign.com

Really, kindness and promoting kindness is not just for shifting girls’ behaviour, kindness can shift one’s inner world. If we all strive for kindness there can be changes in our outer world. Today I went to a Buddhist temple with a few other friends for meditation and prayers for world peace. The nun leading the proceedings spoke on kindness and how kindness is relational and the basis of the qualities of love, compassion and joy.

When I reflect on how kindness has played in my life, I think kindness has helped me survive in these complicated times in my life.  Kindness of others has provided the support throughout these tough times. Kindness to myself has allowed me to have ease and relinquish the perfectionism that guided the (perhaps misguided) vision for my life prior to all the chaos; kindness has deepen love in my life; kindness and understanding has extinguished fires that created tensions in relationships.  I’m sure I could create a longer list, but I think my point is clear, that kindness has been part of the underpinning of my survival.  Finding kindness in everyday activities to be grateful about and being mindful of creating my own acts of kindness daily makes all the difference.

My wish is that each of us can find kindness each day.

Enjoying Life's Bounties

I have started really enjoying all that summer offers.  This started last week with a visit to my dad’s best friend’s cottage with my folks; a place I went to every year as a child but have not been in many years.  It was wonderful.  My son got to swim, fish and paddleboat around.  I relaxed, took lots of pictures and sketched.  We ate too much food and really enjoyed ourselves and each other’s company.

  

The farmer’s markets are something else I enjoy.  This week I bought freshly baked multigrain bread and have been eating it with beefsteak tomatoes from my mom-in-law’s garden.

My fav tomato sandwich: one slice of fresh bread, lightly toasted; spread on butter; add slices of freshly picked tomato; salt and pepper to taste. Enjoy the taste of summer in your mouth. This works especially well when I am mindfully eating my sandwich.

Also, my little box garden is starting to produce. I’ve had strawberries throughout the summer (only a few berries a week). Now I have some tiny tomatoes turning red.  The first ones came last week.  I can also see I need to “mound” the potatoes and the cucumbers are still flowering, hopefully they well develop.  Clearly I had a bit of a late start on planting and my plants have really struggled with the hot July and the lack of watering (because every third week I was at my parents and my garden became neglected). Nonetheless, I’m excited to have some of our own produce.

surprises in meditation

A couple of days ago I was meditating in my usual mediation spot when I became distracted with a large gaggle of geese, who were up in the grassy park when I arrived, entering the water from the boat ramp by the rocks that I sit on. I can't say I've ever seen two dozen plus geese enter the water this way - it was almost single file.  It certainly was a pleasant distraction and facinating to watch. I hope you enjoy the pictures,

on meditating

I have been trying to meditate.  Now this comes with its challenges living with a lively almost three year old who rarely stays still to do anything.  I have tried at night, but often I am too tired and just fall asleep.  When it my son is not at home, then it is completely do-able; but the days he is home, it is rare; likewise to engage physical activity beyond chasing him.  This said, there are many benefits to the meditations I have been attempting.

I have some background to meditation, as I stated a practice almost 10 years ago.  As I wrote that I wondered, really, has it been that long?  That may explain how I found it easy to “meditate” through my birth three years ago. However, since my son has graced my life, my meditation practice has virtually disappeared.  With my diagnosis, there has been great impetus to reinstate my meditation practice.

When I first started meditating years ago, I recall just trying to sit and concentrate on my breathing.  This really did not work. A friend suggested counting each in and out breath, and once I became distracted I would start at one again.  It would typically be something like this: one in, two out, there’s the sound of my neighbour; one in, two out, I hear the clock ticking; one in, two out, What else do I need to buy at the grocery? One in, two out... you get the picture.  At some point I recall on good days I could get up to around 15. Soon after, I was able to focus on my breath.

I understand that some people experience the counting as a competition to see how high they can get, especially if taught in a group setting.  I’ve also tried letting the thought go as a technique. So, if I am trying to focus on my breath, and I have a thought, I simple name the thought: planning, fantasy, worry, distraction, whatever it may be and acknowledge it exists and let it go. For example, say to myself this (name the type of thought), it is time to meditate. If is it persistent, to acknowledge the thought and let yourself know you will give it attention after the meditation time.

As I proceeded with meditation, I started to incorporate states of being I wanted to achieve for the day.  As a therapist, I often wanted for be able to be focused, attentive, patient, or compassionate for my clients and I would incorporate that into my meditation.   So I would use these words, like a mantra, to my meditation.  For example, today I am breathing in patience, and think patience within each in breathe.  Sometimes, especially after a difficult day, I would use this technique to breathe in peace and relaxation and to breathe out tension and stress. In the past weeks I have been breathing in health and healing and breathing out disease and emotional pain (more on that in another blog).

Also I have been practising meditation at the lakefront nearby my home.  I will drop my son to daycare, go for a long walk that will take me to the lake.  I have found a space on some large rocks where I like to sit. Here I will focus on the lake, nature, the birds or whatever is nearby.  I find to breathe with the movement of the waves very helpful.  At times I feel as if I am becoming the waves and am at one with the waves.  I think this practise has become one of my favourites and likely one of the more beneficial ways of meditating for me.

Another experiment in mediation I have tried is writing my own guide meditation.  I sat with myself and decided what sort of things I want for me right now.  This became a guided meditation for me:

Breathe in... Healthy green vitality

Breathe out.... The dregs and heaviness that weighs me down

Breathe in....Enliving lightness

Breathe out...The heaviness that weighs me down

Breathe in....Healthy green vitality

Breathe out...The dark heaviness that weighs me down

Breathe in... Healthy green vitality that energizes me

Breathe out....The dark heaviness that weighs me down

Feel the lightness....Feel the free

Feel the release of the heaviness

Exhale

Breathe in the lightness of green vitality

Breathe out the dark heaviness

Breathe in light freeing energizing vitality

Breathe out the dark heaviness weighing me down

Breathe in light, energizing vitality

Be Free.

I have also come across a few healing guided meditations.  I like the ones in the appendix for Love Medicine and Miracles by Bernie Siegel.  I think to have them recorded in your own voice can be a powerful tool as I have found that working with my inner self I am doing what I need and hearing me for myself.  There is something about that process than having another person guide me.  It is way more effective to actually take the time to record the guided meditation rather than read it and try and recite it internally in your head as you go.  I think this has to do with where my focus is and being more present in my body.