Next Steps

I am still recovering from the immediate effects of radiation: my skin is still dry and itchy and there was a little breakage in skin, so I’ve had to do saline soaks a few times a day.  Today is the first day that I’m feeling an improvement. Despite just picking myself up after treatment (and really, it had been less than a week since radiation finished) I find myself already thinking about what I need to do next.  There is another part of myself that holds caution, as I know that I can rush things.  It’s like my hair can’t grow back quick enough.  Or, trying to plan for what I can do next when physically when I haven’t yet the energy to accomplish what I want to set out to do.

I certainly have lots of ideas, but I know I will have to set myself to routines where I work toward building my physical body up (enough to energetically play with a three year old every day plus keep my home and household running and have energy for myself).  My first step toward rebuilding myself after completing radiation was to buy new pair of runners.  This is pretty significant as I haven’t had proper running shoes since my late teens.  I plan to start running as research shows that I can reduce the reoccurrence of breast cancer up to 70% by increasing my aerobic exercise to be 20-30 minutes daily.

It is an interesting space to be, not recovered but finished the heavy impacting treatments.  There is emerging information on what is called a “care plan,” the plan for after treatment.  This is becoming a stronger focus as many cancer survivors are living full lives after treatment.  The care plan is to help one figure out what considerations are needed in lifestyle to live fully after cancer treatment.  I think part of this is not only to prevent reoccurrence, but new cancers from developing as those who have been through cancer treatment have twice the chance of developing certain cancers than those who have not been through cancer treatment.  This is in part because the treatments for cancer can cause cancer, although the percentage of developing a new cancer from treatment is strongly outweighed by the treatments addressing the original cancer. Nonetheless, this now needs to be a consideration for my health and lifestyle choices. If one is interested in looking at care plans, there is one I found through LIVESTRONG: http://www.livestrongcareplan.org/

Radiation & Prayer

Last week I started radiation.  It's seems like nothing in some ways yet I know the side effects are cumulative. Not relishing this may occur as I am still working through ongoing side effects from chemotherapy.  I'm trying to make this experience as positive as possible. Initially I imagined the radiation to include some visible rays of light - which it doesn't. So rather than visualizing in an imaginative way I have found myself reciting a prayer that was given to me to give to my husband when he was ill.  It goes as follows:

Divine light shine in me.

Divine life permeate and (heal) every atom of my being.

I am the resurrection of Life.

Heal is in brackets as I added that word to the original prayer.

Prayer is found in research to be associated with better outcomes in comparison to those who do not engage spiritual practise.  As many who know me, they would say I am not a religious person.  I do not engage in organized religion (as in attending church on a regular basis); however I do believe in a High Power/ the Universe/the Cosmos as having some divine direction that impacts us all and connects us all.

Let us look deeply at a wave in the ocean. It lives its life of a wave, but it lives the life of water at the same time. If the wave were able to turn toward itself and touch its substance, which is water, then it would be able to attain nonfear. The wave does not have to search for water, because water is the very substance of the wave. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, No Death, No Fear

 

As I journey on this complicated and path of my life (at this point) I continue to hold onto the thought that all will be well in the end and that I am not on this journey without some reason that will develop further growth within. I always have been a firm believer that I experience Life for further development of myself and to share myself with others for our shared growth.  Of course there is a tiny little piece of me that questions my beliefs and rages at my circumstances.  However I hope my beliefs are not for naught; as my life continues to evolve I hope it continues to reinforce my view of the Cosmos.